More over Hillary Clinton...    you were so 10 years ago!

The 'Clinton News Network' is gone, dead and buried. No word yet as to whether anybody's had to resort to cannibalism because of it (and Ted Turner won't return my phone calls). Clean out the offices, clear out the henchmen and hide your favorite silverware...  because we have to make way for...  

(drum roll please...  my link to one wasn't working!)

 " Crystal Meth News  "

Now according to CMN there's no immediate comment (but I'm sure they're hitting the whiteboard). CMN calls Mr. Quest, who is British, one of the network’s “most instantly recognizable members.” He hosts “CNN Business Traveler” and a feature program titled “Quest” for the news network.

 Now, according to the post by RamboLiberal at the Democratic Underground (which he may or may not have stolen this quote from the Huffington Post...   who took it from the NY Times),  the police noticed Mr. Quest at 64th Street and West Drive at about 3:40 a.m., the official said. As he was being escorted out, he volunteered, “I have meth in my pocket,” according to an official briefed on the case. The police searched him and recovered a small amount of methamphetamine in a Ziploc bag. 

If anybody here is unfamiliar with  ::snort::  Mr. Quest,   you'll know he came off as a bit more-hyper-than-the-average-reporter.   In fact,  he was so flaky  I always just considered him a big nerd,  and I doubt that being cranked out at 3:40 am erases that moniker, but instead simply adds a few additional ones. 

Unfortunately, CMN will be jumping around like a meth head at a Slayer concert in a failed attempt and duck, dive and dodge this story.   There really is no way they'll be able to shake the CMN moniker, which I may or may not have had the privelage of inventing, anytime soon.   Does this make CMN a "Schedule II" cable news network?   There is of course the bright side.   Think of the draw this will have on the late night audience!   Good-bye Red Eye, HELLO CMN 'All Jacked UP!'   Not to mention the advertising route they can take:   Sudafed, Clariton D, Interstate Battery (best battery acid in the industry) and Efferdent Denture Cleaner. (trust me crankers, you'll need it!)

What you may or may not hear:

"Still to come on 'Quest',  is the Patriot Act bad for America?   And did the  Combat Methamphetamine Epidemic Act actually hurt its' citizen more than it helped,  causing people such as myself to crave it even more.    Stay tuned after this message (which may or may not be a secret recipe to cooking crank) from our sponsors!"